Note to Self//Q of P (R)

It is time that you recognize and accept your need for stable, nurturing relationships in your life. Begin to release the people in your life who find it difficult to trust anyone. The fear of failing can make a person quite changeable. Soon they develop a suspicious nature and lack any motivation - which causes them to be lazy and neglect their responsibilities. This results in nervousness and confusion - they become afraid, mistrustful of others and even begin to doubt their abilities and their value as a person.

Trust yourself - focus all your energy on utilizing your abilities to manifest beauty, health and fulfillment in specific, practical ways in the areas of your life where it is needed and necessary. Focus on your meditation, on grounding your emotions in natural things, ordinary pleasures and satisfying work.

Irresponsible vs doting. Disregard for nature vs extreme interest in and identity with environmental factors. Abuse of material items. Bad money manager. Recurrent health problems versus the health fanatic.

Questions to Answer: How are you channeling your physical resources? Who inspires your need for practical skills and nurtures your desire for knowledge? Who is reliable and trustworthy? How are you grounded in Mother Earth?

Let Me Go//

No one recalling the koan about the monk and his disciple travelling across ancient Japan. they come to some marshy ground and see a courtesan trying to get across without getting her fine clothes dirty so the old monk, without a word, picks her up and carries her across. On the other side he puts her down, bows to her and the pair continue. Hours pass until the disciple can no longer contain himself.

'Master' he says 'our order prohibits touching women and you carried that.. that.. courtesan'

'Yes' the monk replied 'but I put her down and you appear to be still carrying her'...

more, here

Note to Self//6 P(R)

Six of Pentacles (R) - If you are experiencing an unsatisfactory situation - accept your feelings. Feelings of insecurity are created when you are not recognized for the hard work that you produce or when a stable, but basically unequal and unsatisfying situation has been disrupted. Feelings of insecurity result in dissatisfaction as you begin to think that things are unfair and your prosperity is threatened.

Any relationship is based on the dynamics between those who have and those who don't. Doling out attentions, promises, "sexual favors" or finances can be a manipulative means of keeping people bound to you. You are now learning to give with no conditions, according to your ability and to receive what is freely given you - for only then will you find true stability and security in your relationships. When success is measured in terms of what you give - everyone shares in it. If success is measured in terms of what you get, you will always be chained to the need for more. Release your defensive attitude.

There is an indication that your situation - emotionally or economically dominates you - giving you very little, but just enough to keep you from looking for something else. Analyze your situation very carefully now. Does your job give small material benefits with little satisfaction or chance for improvement? Are you involved in an unhappy, yet comfortable relationship? Do you feel your situation is oppressed, yet find that you do not want to endanger what little security you do have?

In situations like these - nothing is ever truly reconciled - the situation maintains balance and just keeps going. Can you show generosity and give spontaneously or do find that you measure out what you think you can afford to loose and give only what you will not miss? Do you find that you relate easily to others - while always hold back your deepest feelings and allowing yourself to accept only limited "gifts" from others? Does the display of strong emotions embarrass or scare you? Do you find that you place an offer of help in the category of "charity" and give people only what you "think" they are able to receive - unconsciously measuring out your giving according to what other people expect from you - always trying to avoid making yourself or another person uncomfortable?

You are challenged now to give more freely - to share from the heart and stop measuring out what you feel you can afford to loose. Release this "your win is my loss" attitude. Have the courage to continue the process you have started - it will result in a freer, more equal situation. Place yourself in the position to receive and stop cutting yourself off spiritually. Success is achieved through disciplined, step-by-step procedures - remaining open and flexible to opportunities that are presented. It is attainable as a result of following that which has heart and meaning in your life. Stay in your authenticity and truth now. Organize your communication so that context and timing are all aligned and put consistent energy into your life situations.

Distortion - giving too much or too little...or receiving too much or too little. Things like bribery, use of favors for expected gain, generosity to a fault. One cannot give beyond one's means, however nobel the motivations. We can share only what we have - beyond that, we are obligating someone else's resources without their permission. Lower emotions clouding the physical.

Questions to Answer: With whom are you sharing your prosperity, resources or abilities? How and to whom are you mentor, advisor or patron? How are you sharing your wealth of money, talent and information? What do you have to give that others need? How are you managing your time? What and from whom do you receive?