Sally: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants.
Harry: Ehhhh. I'm sorry. I need the judges ruling on this. "Days of the weeks underpants"?
Sally: Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, "You never wear Sunday." It was all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me.
Sally: They don't make Sunday.
Harry: Why not?
Sally: Because of God.
Jess: You made a woman meow?
Harry: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally: Which one am I?
Harry: You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
Sally: I don't see that.
Harry: You don't see that? Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. "On the side" is a very big thing for you.
Sally: Well, I just want it the way I want it.
Harry: I know; high maintenance.
Harry: With whom did you have this great sex?
Sally: I'm not going to tell you that.
Harry: Fine, don't tell me.
Sally: Shel Gordon.
Harry: Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon.
Sally: I did too.
Harry: No you didn't. A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon's your man... but humpin' and pumpin' is not Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name. 'Do it to me Sheldon, you're an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don.' Doesn't work.
Jess: No one has ever quoted me back to me before.
Marie: The point is, he just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. I don't think he's ever gonna leave her.
Sally: No one thinks he's ever gonna leave her.
Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.
Sally: Most women at one time or another have faked it.
Harry: Well, they haven't faked it with me.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because I know.
Sally: Oh. Right. Thats right. I forgot. Youre a man.
Harry: What was that supposed to mean?
Sally: Nothing. Its just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one time or other have done it so you do the math.
Harry: I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. _______________________________________________________
Sally: You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you.